will power is for people who don't want to get laid
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
