you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
