i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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