I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
