I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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