If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Holy shit dude........stairs
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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