Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
