He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
