I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
