what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
