watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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