dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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