Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Pants are for mortals
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
