Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
