btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
