i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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