I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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