The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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