There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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