He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
