I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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