theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
