is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
