you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize