Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
