Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My ass is underappreciated
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
