I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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