I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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