I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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