just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize