So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
