I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
