dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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