I wish life had little blips of pornography
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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