i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
