Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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