It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
