Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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