he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
