I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
