I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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