I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
