i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize