it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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