is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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