her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
