Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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