just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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