Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
