i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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