It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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