My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
