2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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