i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
