Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
two words...techno handjob
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I did not marry a roomba.
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