Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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