His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize