she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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