I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
