I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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