I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
