Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
