Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
