Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
