i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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