i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
