i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
