There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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