just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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