Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
