Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
