I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I have fence marks all over my body
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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