super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
