If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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