It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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