i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
