Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
