Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
