My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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