guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
