Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
