sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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