I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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