Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
