I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
