If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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