ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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