no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
