Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
