Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
