So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
