so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
