At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
