You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize