I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize