i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
