I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
