It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
