Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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