Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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