I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
