someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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