Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
