new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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